Monday, March 23, 2009

Eviction Notice

Dear Unborn,

You have resided with me for 8+ months now. Although you are an invited guest, I feel you have taken advantage of my hospitality. You play tetherball with my bladder and other vital organs. You have most of the day to move around, but you are most active when I am trying to get some sleep. But worst of all are your random acts of digestive violence. One expects these things in the first trimester, but it is week 36. Really, I shouldn't have to pull over at a gas station to puke during my 10-minute drive home from the grocery store. This arrangement isn't working for me anymore.

Consider this a warning. You have 30 days to vacate the premises. If you do not choose to leave voluntarily, I am sending my doctor in, armed with pitocin.

With love,
Your Mother

PS. I look forward to a more amicable living situation when you are residing in a crib.

10 comments:

The Silly Witch said...

I love it!

Even if you don't feel great, I have to tell ya, you look stunning. You should post a picture so all can see you pregnant glow. We loved having you guys over this weekend, and I hope not to make it too many months before we see you again.

Lulu said...

That was the best letter to an unborn child I've ever read...if not the only letter to an unborn I've ever read! lol!
So cute! She'll be here soon!

Becca said...

So funny, Jess! I am so sorry you are throwing up, but you are so . . . close!!! I've been thinking of reading "Austenland" again for some reason . . maybe that will help take your mind off of things :) I'm thinking of you!

K said...

I love your letter! It's awesome! I so feel your pain and am glad you are so close to the end! May the baby come really soon!

Oertel said...

Awesome. Ha. I was a month late and when I think of you, Jen, Laura... yeah, I think I'll call my mom... :) Love you chica!

The Roberts' Report said...

And make sure she knows that the crib will be far far away!! LOVE IT!!!

Jenny said...

Too funny Jess!

And yes - picture please!

erin said...

Love it! I'm going to have to borrow your letter for my unborn child. I'm ready for this to be OVER! Though I'm not throwing up I haven't been able to lift anything since week 19, I'm on a diabetic diet now until she comes and I miss being able to eat like a pregnant woman!!!! Plus I have a minimum of 4 doctors appointments a week! What's up with that?

sam c. said...

seriously?
throwing up?
what is that all about?
have you been throwing up this whole time?
so... how many more are you planning on having?

Tyler, Amy and Kate Waterfall said...

Jess, I laughed out loud reading this. You are going to be published one day, my dear. I have no doubt.
Love you!
Ama Lou